Wednesday, August 1, 2012

The Quest for the Holy Hot-Pants (pt. 1)

Wow…who would have thought one piece of blue gear, even cultural, would be so darned hard to get your hands on at another server? But that’s exactly what the search for another pair of the vaunted, Nemedian Cursecaller Breeches has become over on Tyranny server.

Collared and fettered, and ready to complete her slave's garb

(Cue the music, large Hyborian-style block letters scroll across your monitor as trumpets sound)

The Misadventures and Exploitations of Kiri: 
The Quest for the Holy Hot-Pants

The great quest begins...

With a character slot open, Kiri’s alternate-Hyboria counterpart is in place, brought up on offline levels, but totally unsupported on a new server. Well on her way to being ready for a series of brutal and scandalous PvP defeats. This time I chose to do what should have been done on Wiccana; to forgo the Destiny quest entirely, leaving Kiri to run about Hyboria in slave bracelets and without added stat boosts- as under-geared and underclad as she’s ever been. Fully a female, fighting slave and queen of defeat, who will be given every possible weakness and disadvantage as she enters the Hyborian jungle. The resulting screenshots and movies should be numerous and striking.

Crazy you say, rolling a toon on a PvP server for the sole purpose of getting her pantied ass handed to her, time and again? Probably…maybe there’s a little role-play to be found in the darker alleys and instances of Tyranny, but if not alternate Kiri’s first goal will be accomplished simply by running through open zones in her standard costume.

It's important to remember that Kiri's destiny is nothing but endless defeat and humiliation. Tyranny will be an opportunity to take Kiri to her greatest extreme yet. In an experimenting sense, it’s exhilarating to consider what might happen, once Kiri establishes her reputation as perhaps the easiest and most shameless target on the server. Will Tyranny tire of it soon enough, knowing she poses no threat, or will the server establish her as a full-time whipping girl? Her state of undress and the slave bracelets are already attracting regular attention in non-combat city zones. Just as a mere curiosity, or are the wolves smelling fresh blood? Time will tell; once the short shorts are in place on her hips, she'll be fully dressed to be killed, and the blood-sports will begin.

I consider the Cursecaller Breeches the single best piece of appearance gear for female toons in general, but especially due to the fact they truly complete Kiri’s trademark look, in lieu of actual rubber underpants suddenly becoming available in Hyboria (pretty unlikely). So naturally, acquiring a pair for her is always the first priority.

NO idea what I was in for…

Tracking through Hyboria's endless leagues

Let the farms begin!

'What is your name?' 'Kiri.' 'What is your quest?' 'To seek the Holy Hot-Pants!' 'What is your favorite color?' 'Red...yes, red!' (aaahhhhhhh...!!)

Chopping and hacking mountain apes...

To start with, Tyranny has only a portion of the server population I grew used to on Wiccana. Not as many people farming and crafting = less competition = stiffer prices.

So, fresh out of level 30 and still sporting Tortage gear along with her collar and slave bracelets, inject Kiri with 50 offline levels and go shopping.

Wow. 24 gold. Not just expensive, the vaunted hot pants, but THE most expensive blue item under cloth leg wear. Someone else out there must like these things too.

Back to Wiccana to price check- 2 pairs on the market, for a mere VERY reasonable 10 gold (over time, the average seemed to be about 12). And that’s the really sucky part here- were this Wiccana, the object of this unholy quest would already be bought and paid for, and sitting squarely on Kiri’s hips.

Running to town to check the market!

While a whore's used panties would be completely appropriate for our 
anti-heroine of relaxed morals, she'll soon have ample stains on her own pair

What to do? Well, no mail trading cross server, and the single-server-technology announced by FC is obviously still quite a ways off. And actually getting the 24 gold with an underclad (and more importantly, undergeared) female barbarian meant farming back west, not in big, nasty Khitai.

Fortunately, as on Wiccana, calloused leather sells, and at an inflated price, just like practically everything else on Tyranny. This involves effortless but boring camping, way up in the Eiglophian Mountains. But to gather 24 gold’s worth of the stuff is more time and mental stamina than I have.

Not looking good at this point.

More apes...

Seriously browsing the sellers now, it will be cheaper to get the materials , and hire a tailor

Final option; trader prices not really going down, and no signs they will, but individual items needed for the combine to make the pants are all for sale, and with a cost that I can handle. After several long camps, and with 14 gold in her pocket, I put Kiri to searching the traders.

Pants of Incantation 8GP
10 Silk 20 SP
6 Tussah silk 1.8GP
4 Hepatizon 8GP
2 Sardonyx 1GP

The Pants of Incantation are a dungeon drop, and I expect to pay at least this much, still I find 8 gold reasonable, as the plan is to find someone to do the combines, and just assemble the breeches from their raw parts.

But the Hepatizon is the killer, with one seller offering for 2 gold a shot and no competition. As I suspected, once again buying the ingredients and getting them crafted comes out cheaper.

Except that the Hepatizon recipe is a drop from the alchemy table in the Cistern, under Tarantia Noble’s. The boss is a pretty good farm for two level 80 characters (alright, one level 80 and a half, given Kiri’s gear). A guildy alchemist offers to go run it with me, no luck, but they get another recipe for their trouble.

The quested hot-pants could have fallen overboard at sea? It could happen!

Two nights later, getting ready for another camp down there when I get a tell; at last, someone who will make the combine!

Two combines produce 6 Hepatizon, enough for the 4 I need; for their trouble I say keep the change. Now I own all the required parts for the pants; almost their sleek finish is within range of Kiri’s fingers…so close yet so far.

Hmmm....metal panties? This is getting more promising

Two nights later- After several sessions of shameless advertising in channels, nothing yet. No guild members can do it. Another guild’s crafters will do it…FOR their guilds only, and tell me as much. A lousy way to recruit for that roster, if you ask me.

A slave eventually gone off to the farm, just like a certain Jedi- hey, wait a second....

Stay tuned...

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