Wednesday, August 1, 2012

The Quest for the Holy Hot-Pants (pt. 1)

Wow…who would have thought one piece of blue gear, even cultural, would be so darned hard to get your hands on at another server? But that’s exactly what the search for another pair of the vaunted, Nemedian Cursecaller Breeches has become over on Tyranny server.

Collared and fettered, and ready to complete her slave's garb

(Cue the music, large Hyborian-style block letters scroll across your monitor as trumpets sound)

The Misadventures and Exploitations of Kiri: 
The Quest for the Holy Hot-Pants

The great quest begins...

With a character slot open, Kiri’s alternate-Hyboria counterpart is in place, brought up on offline levels, but totally unsupported on a new server. Well on her way to being ready for a series of brutal and scandalous PvP defeats. This time I chose to do what should have been done on Wiccana; to forgo the Destiny quest entirely, leaving Kiri to run about Hyboria in slave bracelets and without added stat boosts- as under-geared and underclad as she’s ever been. Fully a female, fighting slave and queen of defeat, who will be given every possible weakness and disadvantage as she enters the Hyborian jungle. The resulting screenshots and movies should be numerous and striking.

Crazy you say, rolling a toon on a PvP server for the sole purpose of getting her pantied ass handed to her, time and again? Probably…maybe there’s a little role-play to be found in the darker alleys and instances of Tyranny, but if not alternate Kiri’s first goal will be accomplished simply by running through open zones in her standard costume.

It's important to remember that Kiri's destiny is nothing but endless defeat and humiliation. Tyranny will be an opportunity to take Kiri to her greatest extreme yet. In an experimenting sense, it’s exhilarating to consider what might happen, once Kiri establishes her reputation as perhaps the easiest and most shameless target on the server. Will Tyranny tire of it soon enough, knowing she poses no threat, or will the server establish her as a full-time whipping girl? Her state of undress and the slave bracelets are already attracting regular attention in non-combat city zones. Just as a mere curiosity, or are the wolves smelling fresh blood? Time will tell; once the short shorts are in place on her hips, she'll be fully dressed to be killed, and the blood-sports will begin.

I consider the Cursecaller Breeches the single best piece of appearance gear for female toons in general, but especially due to the fact they truly complete Kiri’s trademark look, in lieu of actual rubber underpants suddenly becoming available in Hyboria (pretty unlikely). So naturally, acquiring a pair for her is always the first priority.

NO idea what I was in for…

Tracking through Hyboria's endless leagues

Let the farms begin!

'What is your name?' 'Kiri.' 'What is your quest?' 'To seek the Holy Hot-Pants!' 'What is your favorite color?' 'Red...yes, red!' (aaahhhhhhh...!!)

Chopping and hacking mountain apes...

To start with, Tyranny has only a portion of the server population I grew used to on Wiccana. Not as many people farming and crafting = less competition = stiffer prices.

So, fresh out of level 30 and still sporting Tortage gear along with her collar and slave bracelets, inject Kiri with 50 offline levels and go shopping.

Wow. 24 gold. Not just expensive, the vaunted hot pants, but THE most expensive blue item under cloth leg wear. Someone else out there must like these things too.

Back to Wiccana to price check- 2 pairs on the market, for a mere VERY reasonable 10 gold (over time, the average seemed to be about 12). And that’s the really sucky part here- were this Wiccana, the object of this unholy quest would already be bought and paid for, and sitting squarely on Kiri’s hips.

Running to town to check the market!

While a whore's used panties would be completely appropriate for our 
anti-heroine of relaxed morals, she'll soon have ample stains on her own pair

What to do? Well, no mail trading cross server, and the single-server-technology announced by FC is obviously still quite a ways off. And actually getting the 24 gold with an underclad (and more importantly, undergeared) female barbarian meant farming back west, not in big, nasty Khitai.

Fortunately, as on Wiccana, calloused leather sells, and at an inflated price, just like practically everything else on Tyranny. This involves effortless but boring camping, way up in the Eiglophian Mountains. But to gather 24 gold’s worth of the stuff is more time and mental stamina than I have.

Not looking good at this point.

More apes...

Seriously browsing the sellers now, it will be cheaper to get the materials , and hire a tailor

Final option; trader prices not really going down, and no signs they will, but individual items needed for the combine to make the pants are all for sale, and with a cost that I can handle. After several long camps, and with 14 gold in her pocket, I put Kiri to searching the traders.

Pants of Incantation 8GP
10 Silk 20 SP
6 Tussah silk 1.8GP
4 Hepatizon 8GP
2 Sardonyx 1GP

The Pants of Incantation are a dungeon drop, and I expect to pay at least this much, still I find 8 gold reasonable, as the plan is to find someone to do the combines, and just assemble the breeches from their raw parts.

But the Hepatizon is the killer, with one seller offering for 2 gold a shot and no competition. As I suspected, once again buying the ingredients and getting them crafted comes out cheaper.

Except that the Hepatizon recipe is a drop from the alchemy table in the Cistern, under Tarantia Noble’s. The boss is a pretty good farm for two level 80 characters (alright, one level 80 and a half, given Kiri’s gear). A guildy alchemist offers to go run it with me, no luck, but they get another recipe for their trouble.

The quested hot-pants could have fallen overboard at sea? It could happen!

Two nights later, getting ready for another camp down there when I get a tell; at last, someone who will make the combine!

Two combines produce 6 Hepatizon, enough for the 4 I need; for their trouble I say keep the change. Now I own all the required parts for the pants; almost their sleek finish is within range of Kiri’s fingers…so close yet so far.

Hmmm....metal panties? This is getting more promising

Two nights later- After several sessions of shameless advertising in channels, nothing yet. No guild members can do it. Another guild’s crafters will do it…FOR their guilds only, and tell me as much. A lousy way to recruit for that roster, if you ask me.

A slave eventually gone off to the farm, just like a certain Jedi- hey, wait a second....

Stay tuned...

Sunday, June 24, 2012

Crawling Deeper into the Dungeon- The Brutal, Obscene World of Kiri

Part I


Even the best of ideas have their influences, and Kiri being arguably my best and longest-lived character, had plenty. As previously stated, Kiri was originally intended to be another bikini-clad female barbarian, but one that the fates would have dark designs on.

Fantasy fiction is rich with variations of the scantily-clad female barbarian, the archetype on which Kiri was drawn, particularly that of the rogue or thief who wears either little or no armor or clothing. Of course this made Kiri as natural fit for the rogue-based barbarian class in Age of Conan.

A 3rd-party mod for Neverwinter Nights allowed a detailed look at the original 'bikinied barbarian' Kiri

The early version would persist for a time until her origin evolved, notably toward a darker theme

Canon Hyborian tales repeatedly have this recurring female lead; among my favorites are Red Sonja (although there is some discussion on if Sonja actually dates from a time prior to the Hyborian Age) and Valeria (whom the MMO did not do justice to, in my opinion).

The rescued damsel or scantily-clad, female sidekick is a mainstay in Conan comics

Classic Red Sonja. All heroines have their trademark outfit, and Sonja is famous for her scale-mail bikini

A bit more recent Sonja with a slight anime style, who seems to have decided that bloody combat in anything more than metal panties would be quite impractical

Valeria as she would appear in Schwarzenegger-era Conan: An overwhelming fan favorite

Valeria, immortalized by the breathtaking Sandahl Bergman

A fortuitously discovered piece of great fan art; this Valeria might even be able to take fashion advice from Kiri

Then there’s Belit, Queen of the Black Coast, who was a raven-haired fighter that ran around in either a bikini or hide breechcloth, something of a female Conan. Finally Isparana, not as well known but a favorite of mine; a tawny-skinned Zamboulan thief with a hot temper and skill with her blades, who wore a getup similar to Belit.

Belit, Queen of the Black Coast, in decidedly female barbarian garb

Belit, apparently after she'd been to the city for a costume tweak

A beautifully-photographed Belit action figure

Isparana, the feisty Zamboulan thief; a personal favorite

Of course there are many other examples just in Conan’s tales, but outside of Howard’s works the archetype is commonly found. As stated prior, The Beastmaster’s Kiri the slave girl was a core influence; scantily-clad and while capable of at least some fighting skill, really found herself in peril in key parts of the movie.

Kiri the slave girl of The Beastmaster, played by Tanya Roberts

A very low-res Kiri the slave girl, but enough to make the point

An offshoot of this archetype is the jungle girl or cave girl, which is more or less a cousin to the female barbarian, sharing similar traits. While Kiri is technically not a jungle girl, similar themes of bondage and helplessness abound in the genre. In 20th century jungle girl stories, the classic stereotype of the conniving, sadistic female villain, often a brunette, enters into Kiri’s story several time, starting with a specific history with the cruel Delia of the Red Hand, who appears in the events of the tutorial in Hyboria.

Tanya Roberts, as she would appear as the jungle girl Sheena

Straight to the point; Jungle Comics which is one of many examples of the jungle heroine

Female barbarian Roon, as portrayed by the beautiful Sabrina Siani

Roon in Ator the Fighting Eagle; the only bright point in this otherwise forgettable Conan knockoff

Roon takes her final stand
A sad moment, but the film's highpoint is the defeat and death of Roon

In many ways the post-apocalyptic is my favorite; a place of ruin and savagery where the feminine strength and beauty endures amid great danger, but often at the price of extreme helplessness and peril. Axa the barbarian and Druuna. In some respects Hyboria IS post-apocalyptic, but not high-tech, being as the cities of the Hyborian Age rose up among the ruins of prehistoric Atlantis and Acheron.

Post-apocalyptic female warrior Axa, who forgoes a life of comfort and clothing in the city domes for a sword and a skimpy bikini in the savage wilderness

Clad only in her bikini bottoms, her body torn by the savage beasts of the domain

Axa in a bit less barbaric, but a bit more sordid costume

A nice color illustration of the setting

A heroine willing to face certain peril

Axa’s world; obviously a place of brutal sexuality and violence

The savage dangers of the apocalyptic wastes

Barbarian female clad only in her bottoms, armed with her blade. Very much a Kiri influence

In vein with Kiri, eager to strip of her clothing, liberating herself in her world

The voluptuous, hapless Drunna about to be tortured. A typical situation for this character

Stripped, humiliated and tortured at the hands of a sadistic, female captor; a common theme for Kiri

"Yours will be a long road of anguish and incredible suffering…let yourself go and savor the pain"


Your typical underclad barbarian or gladiatrix


Over time, her everyday outfit would become increasingly indecent and fetish-oriented. This mode of ‘dungeon dress’ implying that, eventually, Kiri did not adventure and delve into dungeons and ancient ruins for the reward of lost treasure and wealth, but for the dubious rewards of helplessness and torture.

Full body concept of Kiri, now in the trademark plastic underwear

Visualizing Kiri as a tabletop miniature

Kiri side view, modifying a female slave mini

Kiri mini, rear view

Most dungeons historically were, of course, places of imprisonment and torture, so a would-be female adventurer setting foot into such a place clad in no more than a brassiere and panties could realistically expect no better than this.

Original Poser render of Kiri

Kiri render front

Kiri Poser render

Kiri Poser render

Kiri full body render, fitted with plastic underpants with a Wonder Woman design

Kiri with the Wonder Woman starred briefs print on her plastic pants

Plastic soon because her garb of choice, but she would appear in a Ravenloft setting in rubber pants, and this is also alluded to with Hyborian Kiri, where rubber from distant Vendhya was used to make the short briefs she wears (the material actually being used since antiquity, historically). During this visualiztion the classic costume would be made for Kiri, and it would have little variation, except to where such changes would insert her better into a given world or environment.

A remake of a very early Kiri render, converting the rubber pants to plastic underwear

Kiri with an attempted crucified pose

A closeup of the sagging breasts, trademark of a fully accurate Kiri render

Adding a very basic collar for a frontal pose

Kiri exhibiting her form, wearing only the famous starred briefs

Bust render, trying to get the look right

Another running pose in her plastic briefs

A side view

First attempt at a swordfight pose, minus a prop for the sword

Photoshopped model; Kiri as she would dress in your typical post-apocalyptic setting

Kiri, fully visualized in Age of Conan: Unchained's Dreamworld engine

Kiri extreme closeup, Age of Conan: Unchained

The Hapless Heroine

The defeated and helpless heroine is a long standing tradition in erotic comics


Very common as a theme in most world environments is the archetype of the hapless heroine; that would-be heroine who goes out of her way to fight crime and confront the evils of the world, often in the most revealing and impractical clothing she can lay her hands on. She is then often and repeatedly made the helpless victim of her intended quarry.

Men's adventure magazines made women in peril standard issue
Nazis: A favorite villain to find our heroine helpless and tortured by

This genre is rife with bondage, discipline and sadomasochism themes, and about every conceivable situation and scenario has been invented over the years, from diabolical traps intended to horrifically torture and even kill the hapless heroine, to methodically intricate plots to humiliate and break the heroine severely.

This one pretty much sums it up

Helpless and vastly inferior in the hands of her captors; a very common theme

The superheroine genre has this in its very roots, with the renowned Wonder Woman having recurring periods of bondage and helplessness throughout decades of comics. In the case of Wonder Woman, specific situations have been inserted into her bio almost from the beginning; weaknesses that would practically ensure she would find herself in these predicaments eventually. In addition, there would be events where Wonder Woman purposefully entered situations of bondage, even if as a ruse.

The infamously entertaining Empowered

Wonder Woman living up to tradition

Lynda Carter-era Wonder Woman doing it right

Or else why would they dress like that?

Empathy toward her captor, then, eventual acceptance of her helplessness. Perhaps the ultimate stage of defeated superheroines
Obviously, defeat in her scanty bustier and briefs was a forgone conclusion to this genetically superior Nazi heroine

Even the female fans enjoy the genre

Classic super-villainess in her naturally dominant black costume; what self-respecting heroine wouldn't want to display absolute submission at this point?

These Wonder Women couldn't be more helpless; I'm afraid they're going to have a very bad day...

This Asian Wonder Woman is about to have a very bad day as well

Even in the Far East, Wonder Woman knows what it's like to be swiftly rendered helpless

Asian Wonder Woman learns the meaning of absolute defeat, helplessness and humilation

The Heroine-in-Bondage theme existed for years, but exploded on the Internet, and would push into mainstream in some instances. The Empowered comics, while being tame enough to sell from open bookshelves, is laced with innuendo for the genre, being something of a PG-rated bookstore version.

Asia has redefined the hapless heroine: This Sailor Moon styled heroine will soon suffer betrayal and crushing, permanent defeat as she becomes the pet rape victim of a savage tentacle creature.

This Japanese heroine of the same style is obviously intended to suffer a defeat and an extremely bad ending

This young Asian heroine has clearly trained and planned hard for the day of her final defeat, by wearing a skirt intentionally designed to vulnerably exhibit the crotch of her white panties

Her defeat is, of course, utterly bloody and brutal

Somewhere across time and space in an unnamed fantasy world, a thoroughly helpless female warrior suffers the humiliation of a public stripping at the hands of her cruel, brunette captor and dominatrix

A Blade In Her What?

Even in ancient times, a well trained Amazon warrior could fall prey to a well-aimed arrow to the crotch


Eventually, our female barbarian protagonist’s lack of armor and clothing is going to land her some grievous wounds, in or out of combat, and odd are eventually she’ll suffer one to somewhere exceptionally sensitive, such as her breasts or genitals. In some scenarios, an overly cruel attacker or torturer might want to gain a quick advantage or inflect maximum pain and humiliation by deliberately wounding our heroine or anti-heroine in this way.

Belly shots are clearly a favorite pastime for captured slave girls in this particular dungeon

Well, she did aim a little high, but fortunately evil triumphs once more as this dark warrioress skewers her blonde prey

A textbook breastshot with an arrow

A finishing breast stab to a helpless blonde heroine is always best delivered by a sardonic, and clearly superior, brunette villainess

Kiri; the aftermath of a grueling, bloody cuntbust. Now maybe those leakproof panties have a little practical value, after all...

Violent online erotica of this theme has given rise to the so-called ‘cuntbust’, which is a recurrent theme for Kiri. Typically melee or ranged weapons have speared or pulped a breast or vulva, but various traps and torture implements including the impaling spear or vaginal pear have served this purpose as well. Many fine examples of this very specialized genre can be found online and elsewhere.

Original Kiri concept and art property and copyright of PhanPhoe Creations, 2008